05/10/2026
I know when things get on top of me because I start living on the beach. More specifically looking for fossils. The ‘hobby,’ not related to work, or life admin or (dare I say it) parenting.
I’m hiding amongst seaweed and the prehistoric and it’s unhealthy. I can’t bury my head in the sand forever when I have things that need doing.
Recently the main UK jewellery bullion supplier got hacked and all our bank details were stolen. With a new card in hand I’m now drowning in trying to find an alternative supplier offering recycled materials, at reasonable prices and as such no jewellery is being made. I’m finding excuses not to get things done and I’m so angry at myself. Custom orders are floundering and customers are not getting their items because I can’t pull my socks up. At a time when the economy is so rocky why am I not doing everything I can to boost my business?
As a parent I’ve found out that the boys need five fillings and a tooth removal between them, and each is currently on different pathways in the NHS for various ailments too. I feel like such an awful mum but don’t know how to become a great one. I can see I am being emotionally lazy around them. It doesn’t matter what others say, I know I could be a better mother, wife and human and yet do nothing about it. It will come and bite me on the arse one day, and I hate that I’m so weak. I want my boys and Mark to love me, but I feel like it’s not easy at all right now, I’m just existing - what am I offering them that makes it worth sticking around for? How can I make myself emotionally present?
The house! Floordrobes in so many places that we’ll have to sleep in the empty wardrobes soon. There is dust everywhere, piles of crap appearing on any flat surface. I feel like I’ve succeeded if I get a wash on and the dishwasher emptied. Yet around me Mums are juggling full time jobs, three kids and most of the parental load. So why the f**k am I struggling so much?
I have to believe we can make our own luck and love and it’s time to hold myself accountable so that 2027 can be hope-filled, happy and healthy.
I used to be the girl who went searching for rainbows, I want to be that girl again. 🌈