Five years ago my life was going exactly as planned! I had finished my Yoga Teacher Training at Kripalu School of Yoga, and combined with my degrees in Communication, and Psychology, was finding my Niche in the Alternative Healing & Spiritually Gifted World. I was the Healthiest and Happiest I can ever recall feeling. For about 6 weeks...then I woke up one August morning in my cozy Asbury Park Apa
rtment. The walls and window frames were in the same place; pictures hug just right, and my yoga mat ready for my to dive into my practice! Everything was exactly how it was when I went to bed. Or so I thought...
I had no idea when my eyes opened that warm Jersey Morning that my life as I knew it was completely gone...a tleast not for a few moments...then it hit....
Pain. Pain that has no words strong enough to describe it. Pain that sets you on fire and numbs you to the bone at the same time. Pain that paralyzes and SCREAMS out from the bottom of your Soul....
Pain shot down from the left side of my Neck, just below my earlobe, throughout my shoulder, racing and raging down my arm, and shooting out each and every finger. Panic sets in quick, so I found my breathe, and then began to piece together the messages my mind was receiving about this Seemingly Grown Over-Night Phantom Limb of Torture! Inhale, 1......2.....3.....hold..........
Exhale, 1.....2....3......hold................hmmm ok.....pain,
Was I bleeding?? I grew the courage to look at my arm. No sign of bruising or a struggle, nothing! Back to the breath Krysten, Inhale, 1......2.....
Did I get hurt the night before??? Exhale, 1......2......No, no! Everything was fine! What on...OUUUUUUCHHHHHH!!!!"
Kripalu is a fabulous well rounded school that taught me all about my body and keeping it safe during yoga on and off the mat. All signs were pointing to, "SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG"
And this was my gut feeling and explaination to over 20 doctors in the next 9 months who said it was a Sprain, Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, "the wrong Crystals next to my bed (via "friends"), An Over reaction, to possibly a serious Immune Disorder, then I was labeled a "Drug Seeker" and an "Addict" because my presenting problem was pain that spread neurologically from the left side to my right side, and then throughout my entire being. Head to toe pain 24-7 that nothing touched....And then I got the Diagnosis of M.S., Prior to 3 doctors reviews my MRIs. The last time I spoke to my best friend I was in tears on the phone waiting to find out if I woke up with MS at 29. She never did call me back to find out it was negative...how could that be? How and WHY were so many people I held near and dear to me either Blatenly Ignoring my calls, or passively not calling at all?? What had I done?? I had to continually pick myself back up and say it was their fear of the unknown. Their Strongest, Healthiest friend just went down overnight and when things like that happen, the ego reminds that we 'are not indestructable,' and our paths can be severely altered at anytime....Descansos...
My Support System was made up of threads that barely kept me alive and moving to the next doctor, and the next, continually questioning if maybe I really was crazy?? But my Gut told me 'they're missing something BIG KRYSTEN, DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF'
And I was right. Boy was I right....
And I'm not sure where this strength came from, but I am grateful every second of every day to be one of the lucky ones who is alive.
